The Art of Being Different
Introduction
Hi, my name is Cloee Thomas. Whether this is your first time reading my blog or you’re a frequent visitor, welcome. Many of you may know me primarily as an artist, photographer, and overall creative. While I often express myself creatively to process my emotions, there’s a side of my life I rarely talk about, my experiences living with several invisible disabilities. I currently manage three main conditions: Autism, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS).
All of my diagnoses came relatively late in life, despite being in therapy since I was around five or six. Professionals overlooked these conditions until I was 22, a common experience among women and those assigned female at birth, who often face delayed diagnoses. Growing up, I sensed that I was different and struggled with that feeling throughout my childhood. Severe anxiety and depression started as early as elementary school, making social situations painful and school an overwhelming experience. I loved the learning itself but dreaded the social aspects, always feeling out of place and often lacking stable friendships.
In my younger years, Autism and ADHD impacted me the most. EDS, however, really began affecting me when I joined my high school swim team and started dancing again. A specialist eventually discovered that I had little to no cartilage in both of my knees, which was a shocking diagnosis for a 16-year-old. I started physical therapy and sought additional support from a chiropractor and masseuse. The pain became so consuming that I remember wishing I could have my legs amputated just to escape it, or even fantasizing about a completely new body.
Self-portraits became my primary creative outlet and means of processing these emotions. Not all of my work explores darker themes, but when I’m processing grief, pain, anger, or sadness, that’s often when my rawest concepts emerge. I’ve always felt emotions deeply: when I’m happy, I’m profoundly happy, and when I’m sad, it can be physically painful. My body seems to mirror my emotions, and that connection between mind and body fascinates me, even as it challenges me.
The Intersection of Disability and Creativity
Unique Perspectives: My autism and ADHD provide me with unique perspectives that enrich my creative process across various mediums, including photography, painting, and drawing. The interplay of neurodivergent thinking fuels a continuous stream of ideas and concepts. However, this abundance can also be overwhelming. When I struggle to visualize my thoughts, I often resort to sketching my ideas to create clarity.
For instance, during a past shoot, I experienced a moment of creative paralysis as I tried to balance my vision with the physical limitations imposed by EDS. It was in that moment that I decided to embrace spontaneity, capturing raw, unfiltered emotions that resonated with my experience. This approach not only alleviated my anxiety but also resulted in some of my most impactful work.
Chronic Pain and Creativity: Living with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS) in a bustling city like New York presents unique challenges, especially when it comes to managing the physical demands of my creative work. Carrying equipment to various locations can be exhausting, and the pain often flares up unexpectedly. During my shoots, I juggle multiple roles: I'm not only the photographer but also the makeup artist, stylist, and set designer. This multitasking can be physically taxing, leading to moments of discomfort that impact my creativity.
Rather than allowing these challenges to deter me, I’ve learned to integrate my experiences with chronic pain into my art. My work often reflects themes of resilience and vulnerability, using photography to express the tension between beauty and discomfort. I hope to inspire others facing similar challenges to embrace their stories as a source of strength, demonstrating that creativity can flourish even in the face of adversity.
The Role of Routine and Structure
My ADHD manifests as hyper-focus, allowing me to delve deeply into projects but making it difficult to transition between tasks. I sometimes leave projects until the last minute, preferring to avoid doing something when I feel incapable of doing it well. For instance, I recently completed props for a photoshoot just two days before the event. Although they turned out great, the rushed process was stressful.
To stay organized, I quickly source items and secure collaborators early on, which minimizes last-minute stress. I rely on planners, phone notes, and a home calendar to keep tasks visible and deadlines in check. When working with a team, I create photo briefs that include details like date, time, location, and Pinterest mood boards, ensuring everyone stays on the same page. To streamline collaboration, I also start model calls and, if my usual MUAs, hairstylists, stylists, or designers aren’t available, I reach out through Instagram and Facebook groups to find the right people. Once the team is set, I create a group chat with everyone involved, centralizing all communication in one place. This system helps keep things organized and reduces stress, though the added responsibility of directing the creative vision and shoot can sometimes feel overwhelming.
Finding Community and Support
This year, I attended my first disabled meetup hosted by April Lockhart (@aprillockhart), a disabled creator specializing in fashion and content creation. It was incredible to be surrounded by others with similar experiences. Although I’m not a fashion creator, I love fashion and enjoy playing dress-up and photographing it. I’ve envisioned a series where I photograph disabled creatives, accompanied by short interviews discussing their disabilities and artistic processes. It’s crucial for disabled people to see themselves represented in art, and I hope to contribute to that narrative through my work.
Conclusion
Reflecting on my journey, I see how my disabilities have shaped my creative voice. While challenges exist, they also fuel my passion for artistic expression. I encourage readers to embrace their unique experiences, recognizing that they can inspire creativity in unexpected ways. Your struggles may serve as powerful sources of inspiration for your art, just as mine have for me.
Resources for Further Reading
As someone who lives with autism, I often find myself navigating a world that was not built with neurodivergent individuals in mind. A lot of current information on autism feels overly reductive, often failing to capture the full spectrum of what autism really is. Many treatments for autism focus on pushing individuals to adapt to a neurotypical framework, often at the expense of their mental health. This approach, which is especially common in interventions for children, can lead to heightened anxiety and depression as they grow up trying to fit into societal norms that may not align with their authentic selves.
For clarity, “neurotypical” describes individuals who don't display or are not characterized by autistic or other neurologically atypical thought or behavior patterns. Meanwhile, “neurodivergent” refers to people whose brains function differently from what is considered typical. The neurodivergent community includes individuals with autism, ADHD, dyslexia, and other neurological variations. Embracing neurodivergence means recognizing that different ways of thinking, processing information, and interacting with the world are valuable in their own right. This acceptance is something I work to embody in both my personal and professional life.
Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS)
Ehlers Danlos Society: They offer extensive information about EDS, support groups, and resources for navigating related symptoms, such as chronic pain, joint instability, and autonomic dysfunction. They also focus on the connection between hypermobility and neurodivergence, noting how individuals with EDS may also experience symptoms associated with autism or ADHD. The society hosts virtual support groups and educational events with experts in neurodivergent hypermobility, which could be particularly helpful for your audience.
Autism Resources
Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN): ASAN is run by and for autistic individuals. It advocates for disability rights, inclusive policies, and offers resources written from the perspectives of autistic people. Their resources cover everything from healthcare and education to understanding autism through a neurodiversity lens, avoiding stereotypes and reductive information.
Autistic Self Advocacy Network
Embrace Autism: Embrace Autism provides comprehensive resources based on the experiences and research of autistic people. They offer assessments, articles, and insights into what autism is, addressing myths and harmful practices. They also focus on mental health and self-advocacy, especially for those diagnosed later in life.
NeuroClastic: A nonprofit organization founded by autistic people, NeuroClastic shares articles, stories, and resources written by autistic contributors, covering a wide range of topics from sensory processing to co-occurring conditions and advocacy in the workplace. Their resources emphasize understanding autism beyond just behavioral aspects.
ADHD Resources
ADDA (Attention Deficit Disorder Association): Focused on ADHD in adults, ADDA provides articles, support groups, and resources specifically tailored for neurodivergent adults, covering mental health, workplace accommodations, and coping strategies.
ADDA - Attention Deficit Disorder Association
How to ADHD: Run by Jessica McCabe, a well-known ADHD advocate, the How to ADHD YouTube channel provides friendly, supportive content from a neurodivergent perspective, covering topics like executive functioning, hyperfocus, and emotional regulation.
